Black Crack!

It was 11am and the guy knew I had been without for the last twelve hours. He had that grouch and superior smile of every dealer known to mankind – he knew I was hurting bad and he had the best gear, or in this case the only gear in town. Damnation, I should know better than this. I deal with the addiction to this stuff! But when you mix with the low lives long enough their values eventually become yours.

Dealer: ‘What’s your hit?’

Me: “ugh, two double espresso’s”

Dealer: “legalised drugs coming up man!”

And that said it all. You cannot believe the amount of common diseases that are linked to drinking caffeine. On my last count I found at least 25 medical conditions that are directly related to, or are created by coffee consumption. Here’s the kick : the amount that it takes to do it varies from person to person. When you think of the social anxiety we are all subjected to coffee can be the major culprit. Boyfriend or partner – a grouchy monster in the mornings – yep coffee PMT gone ballistic- yep coffee! Got hypoglycaemia ( low blood sugar ) or diabetes? – coffee! Aching back and shoulders- you guessed it.

The list is long and nasty. Low sperm count, osteoporosis, depression, anxiety, irritable bowel syndrome, prostate infection, panic attacks and chronic fatigue to name but a few. Now as reasoning adult I take responsibility for my personal addictions. It’s the stuff that is slipped in to kids drinks that annoys me. There is the equivalent of an espresso in every can of cola consumed. Ever watched kids out of their heads in the park clutching a litre bottle of the stuff? Politicians are always complaining about changing social attitudes and poor discipline in schools and no wonder- most of the kids are strung out!

Manufactures of foods are not obliged to declare if caffeine is an ingredient in a food. So when the kids are asking for cola, do they like the stuff, or are they just coming down? As for those drinks that ‘give you wings’ just look at a coffee and sugar content, enough to put any self respecting diabetic in a coma. Coffee has no nutritional content and has the ability to strip minerals and vitamins from the system. Most of the stuff it strips are associated with the prevention of clinical disease. Zinc, vitamin C, vitamin A all go down the tubes; do without some of them long enough and Dr De Ath will come knocking on your door. Look along the average high street. We now have more coffee bars than pubs. The act of coffee consumption is one of internal mutilation – but what the hell – its 11am and I have been without for 12 hours- time to meet with my friendly local ( legalised ) pusher of highly damaging narcotic herbal beverage. Sure, I can give it up or even just cut down- next week maybe? But until then: ‘double espresso please’!

Dr Sigmund Cabbage

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